England chasing 173 to beat Ireland: first ODI – live! – The Guardian

17th over: England 88-4 (Billings 14, Morgan 6) “Scenes, Mr Smyth, pure scenes!” says Abhijato Sensarma. “I reckon Morgan will put an end to this nonsense by playing with the cool head he is famed for. But you never know when you’re playing your first match in ages, that too in the middle of a pandemic. Strange things tend to happen!”

Yes, one of the interesting foibles of this all-conquering England side is their proud record of absurd and/or unlikely defeats.

16th over: England 85-4 (Billings 13, Morgan 5) Morgan fails to score off five consecutive deliveries from Campher. Sometimes I wonder whether Morgan uses dot balls to play mind games: hit the first ball for four, score two singles from the next 20 and then hit seven sixes in 12 balls.

15th over: England 83-4 (Billings 11, Morgan 4) Simi Singh replaces McBrine (6-0-28-1) at the Offspinners End. His first over is a quiet one, with just a single to Billings.

14th over: England 82-4 (Billings 10, Morgan 4) Eoin Morgan walks to the crease and guides his first ball past backward point for four.

“KP is irritating me by saying everything twice,” says Gary Naylor. “It’s so annoying to hear him repeat what he’s just said.”

The debutant Curtis Campher, who top scored with 59 not out, comes on to bowl some medium pace. He dismissed Banton in an under-19s match for South Africa a couple of years ago – and he’s done it again in big school! Banton top-edges a pull high in the air, and Lorcan Tucker takes a comfortable catch. Campher has a wicket with his fourth ball in international cricket.

13th over: England 77-3 (Banton 11, Billings 9) Banton gets his first boundary with a wristy sweep off McBrine. KP, on commentary, is good on why Banton needs to improve his rotation of the strike against spin, and how he can construct a typical over against a bowler like McBrine.

12th over: England 71-3 (Banton 6, Billings 8) Billings pulls consecutive deliveries from Young for four to move to eight from three balls. He has so much class that, even allowing for the stop-start nature of his England career, his modest record is pretty hard to fathom.

“Evening Rob,” says Alex Bramble. “Hope you’re enjoying the return of Morgan and the troops as much as I am. Huge fan of KP the player and there’s a lot to like about him on the mic. Just one (slightly pedantic point): his pronunciation of inningses is a bit sneaky little hobbitses, which is possibly where the similarities with Smeagollum end…”

One of the things I like about his commentary is the frequency with which he addresses Rob Key as “Bob”. It reminds me a bit of Blackadder and Captain Darling.

11th over: England 62-3 (Banton 5, Billings 0) Banton has started watchfully, especially against the spin of McBrine. That’s fair enough as the run-rate isn’t an issue. McBrine has half an appeal for LBW when Banton drags a sweep onto his pad and away for a couple of runs.

10th over: England 59-3 (Banton 2, Billings 0) Sam Billings is the new batsman. Eoin Morgan, the selfless git, has demoted himself from No4 to give the fringe batsmen a chance to play a longer innings.

Deja Vince. After playing some delightful strokes, James Vince falls in frustrating circumstances. He had a big drive at a tempting delivery from Young and edged it straight to the keeper. Vince goes for an ephemeral 25.

9th over: England 54-2 (Vince 21, Banton 1) Vince makes it four fours in five balls with a firm sweep off McBrine. He is such a beautiful batsman; he could make a flat-footed reverse hoick look elegant.

8th over: England 49-2 (Vince 17, Banton 0) High-class batting from James Vince, who hits Young for three boundaries in four balls: a drive through mid-off, a clip through midwicket an finally an effortless pull stroke.

7th over: England 37-2 (Vince 5, Banton 0) Banton gets two thirds of the way down the track before realising Vince has sent him back. He gets home comfortably but that’s another reflection of England’s scruffy start.

“We need more fracking information from John Starbuck,” says David Wall. “Does he use mango puree (like in the cans you can buy)? Cheesecake is the only cake worth spending time eating and my regular recipe is pretty good (as well as adaptable and forgiving). But my niece wants a mango cheesecake for her birthday so I’ve been thinking how best to do that. Personally I’m not so keen on fruit cheesecakes (too reminiscent of the Sara Lee freezer imposters) but even bad cheesecake is good.”

6th over: England 36-2 (Vince 4, Banton 0) The precocious Tom Banton is the new batsman.

Jason Roy can fuggoff himself! He has been trapped LBW after hitting Young’s two previous balls for four. It was a fine delivery that nipped back to hit the flap of the back pad, with Roy surprisingly slow to get his bat down. He knew it was out and walked straight off without discussing a review.

5th over: England 26-1 (Roy 16, Vince 3) After a slow start, Roy gets down on one knee to clout McBrine over midwicket for six. The last time I watched him bat, I hadn’t seen Succession. Now every time I think of his name I picture a man in a shawl cardigan telling me to fuggoff. On the plus side, at least there isn’t an England batsman named Walnuts.

“Mango and ginger biscuit cheesecake,” says Damian Clarke. “Could you let Mr Starbuck know that I just might be a little in love with him?”

4th over: England 14-1 (Roy 6, Vince 1) Vince scrambles to make his ground after being sent back by Roy. I think he would have been just home had Young’s throw hit the stumps, which it didn’t. It’s been a rusty start from the England batsmen, which I suppose is understandable in the circumstances.

3rd over: England 12-1 (Roy 5, Vince 0) “Hi Rob,” says Peter Rowntree. “Dave Willey showing he is still a force to be reckoned with in white ball cricket. Recalling his early career, he suffered horrendous injuries to his back and neck, making it almost inevitable that his body would never really stand up to the longer formats of the game. For all that, he is a very fine cricketer, and a very likeable young man.”

He sure is, and he accepted his omission from the World Cup squad with admirable dignity. He still played his part, I truly believe that, especially in the 2018 series against India. Had England lost that series, I don’t think they’d have won the World Cup.

Bairstow has gone! It hit him in line and was going on to hit leg stump.

2.5 overs: England 12-0 (Roy 5, Bairstow 2) The offspinner Andy McBrine comes on second change… in the third over. Bairstow survives a very good shout for LBW after pushing down the wrong line … but Ireland are going to review. He might be outside the line of off stump; if not, it’s plumb.

2nd over: England 11-0 (Roy 4, Bairstow 2) The sight of Roy and Bairstow means another airing for the stat that keeps on giving: of the 125 openers to score 1000 runs or more in ODIs, Roy and Bairstow have the highest strike-rates. Bairstow’s record as an opener is astonishing: average 51, strike-rate 110.

Craig Young shares the new ball with McCarthy (and Stirling). A loose delivery deflects for four leg-byes, and an LBW shout against Bairstow is caught in the throat because of an inside edge.

1st over: England 4-0 (Roy 3, Bairstow 0) Roy bagged a first-baller for the Lions against Ireland the other day. He almost makes it back-to-back golden ducks when he misses a big drive at McCarthy’s first ball, and then gets off the mark with a sliced drive past backward point for two. It was a no-ball as well, called by the third umpire under the new system. It also means a free hit, but Roy can only mow it to midwicket.

No-balls are the least of Ireland’s worries. McCarthy has injured himself and is leaving the field after only five deliveries. Paul Stirling bowls the last ball of the over.

“Hi Rob,” says John Starbuck. “Tell us: do you like cheesecake? If so, I recommend a form developed by this household. Use mango as your fruit and ginger biscuits as your base. It takes a few practice runs to get it just right but is really toothsome.”

I don’t, I’m afraid: I have what might generously be described as a confused palate. But I’m sure plenty of our readers do, so thanks for the tip!

The players are back out on the field. Barry McCarthy will open the bowling to Jason Roy.

Thanks Simon, evening everyone. So far the match has been predictably one-sided, but there have been some nice individual stories: Gareth Delany’s eyecatching cameo, Curtis Campher’s unbeaten 59 on debut and David Willey’s maiden five-for in his first ODI since May 2019. It will take another – a Barry McCarthy five-for, perhaps – if Ireland are to turn this into a contest.

Right then, I’m off. Rob Smyth will take you through England’s response. Please send your thoughts to him here. Bye!

44.4 overs: Ireland 172 all out (Campher 59*) Campher comes down the track and miscues his shot, which drops just beyond the reach of Morgan at cover! Then Young hoists one way into the late afternoon sky, but just beyond Roy as he runs back from mid-off! And then he miscues again, and this one forces Roy to dive forwards but he completes the catch and ends the innings! It’s also Willey’s first ODI five-fer!

44th over: Ireland 168-9 (Campher 58, Young 9) Young gets a leading edge that goes just beyond the grasping left arm of the bowler and away for four. A little later Campher has a royal heave and the ball skims straight past him and just wide of off stump!

43rd over: Ireland 160-9 (Campher 57, Young 3) “Watching the MLB these last few days demonstrates how hard baseballers throw the ball deploying (it seems) two techniques – one for the infield and another for the outfield,” writes Gary Naylor. “All these coaches, but players still throw like they did in schoolboy cricket.” This is interesting, and would probably be even more interesting if I ever watched baseball. I remember reading about Fred Spofforth being able to throw a fresh egg 50 yards in such a fashion that it wouldn’t break upon landing, and thinking that some nuances of throwing have been lost somewhere, beyond mere pace and distance.

42nd over: Ireland 157-9 (Campher 56, Young 1) A single off the last keeps Young on strike and denies Mahmood a wicket maiden.

Barry McCarthy sends the ball soaring in a delicious arc straight into the pouch of Vince at deep square leg!

41st over: Ireland 155-8 (Campher 56, McCarthy 3) Willey, having laid waste to the top order, comes back to wrap things up. Nothing is wrapped, nor is any waste laid.

40th over: Ireland 152-8 (Campher 55, McCarthy 2) Into the final 10 overs we rip. For a long time it didn’t look like Ireland would make it this far, but Campher’s 111-ball (and counting) 55 has ensured they will have at least something to celebrate.